There was a first time for everything, Chris Jericho realized, and tonight he may have actually beaten Raven to their designated post-Nitro club. It had never happened before, no matter how early Chris skipped out from work, so he quickly stripped off his coat and pushed his way across the small but crowded dance floor to claim one of the tiny empty tables in the back.
He had just picked out a seat when he recognized the leather jacket thrown across the back of a chair at the otherwise empty table next to him. Smiling to himself and shaking his head, he switched tables, dropping into the seat across from the leather jacket and waiting for Raven to return.
He had barely settled in when Raven came back, placing a deadly-looking Long Island Iced Tea in front of Chris before sliding into his own seat. "You finally made it. I was just about to get started without you."
"Yeah, yeah, yeah." Chris frowned critically at the glass in front of him, wondering how much time it would take for the concoction inside to dissolve its container completely.
"It's better than it looks," Raven promised, taking a long drink from his own glass as proof. "It has peach in it."
"Really?" Chris took a tentative sip and winced. It was worse than it looked. "There is nothing resembling any sort of fruit anywhere in that," he stated firmly.
Raven laughed. "I'll tell them to do double schnapps in yours next round."
"Don't bother. So what else is on the menu tonight?"
Raven leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table as he nodded to the bar. "Exhibit A, in the black skirt. She's been scoping out guys for the past hour, and she's getting bored."
"Nitro only ended half an hour ago. How long have you been here?" Chris asked casually as he craned his neck to get a better view of the woman.
"I stayed long enough for my match, didn't I? Anyway, she's here alone. No ring, but a tan line on her finger, so I'm thinking--"
"Jesus, man, I think that's my English teacher!" Chris blurted.
"No shit?" Raven considered a minute, then nodded. "Kinky. I'll go bring her over here."
"Don't you dare. That hose-beast tried to get me suspended."
"But now you could--"
"Raven. I mean it. Next target, please."
Raven sighed dramatically before gesturing to a group of girls on the dance floor. "College freshmen, blowing off steam with a 'like, totally bitchin' Girls Night Out!' Pursue at your own peril."
Chris laughed, his eyes drifting from cute blonde to cute blonde. "Which one did you have in mind?"
"Are you kidding? I couldn't pick one of those tramps out of a police lineup. They look like a cult dedicated to the worship of L'Oreal Light Golden Wheat #5." Chris raised his eyebrows, and Raven shrugged, fingering one of the blond streaks in his own dark curls. "I was picking up a new highlight color last night. Blow me."
Chris snorted, then flinched as the girls began squealing over the opening bars of a new song. "Next option?"
"Next option," Raven agreed, looking around the room. "There's a little redhead running around here somewhere who--"
"What about her?" Chris interrupted, pointing out a dark-haired girl quietly sipping a margarita at the bar.
"Not a chance. I saw a guy try to mack on her earlier and she slapped him in his face. She's probably a lesbian."
"Not liking assholes doesn't make you a lesbian. Maybe she just likes nice guys."
"That's all you, then," Raven announced, draining the rest of his drink and setting the glass down with a thud. "But I'm one up on you anyway, so I'll play along. Let's go."
"How do you figure you're 'one up?' You got that chick with the pictures of her cats in her wallet, but I got the one before that, and--"
"Catwoman brought a friend. Trust me, Chris. I'm one up."
"You're joking." The smirk on Raven's face quickly convinced Chris otherwise. "Damn it! How come you always get the freaky chicks?"
Laughing, Raven shrugged. "You're too clean-cut, Chris. That type of girl isn't looking for a nice guy."
Chris took another sip of his drink. It was just as bad as the first. "I could be the bad boy."
Raven's laughter was his only response.
"I could," Chris insisted. "It can't be that hard if you can do it."
"Let's give it a shot, then," Raven suggested, grabbing Chris' virtually untouched drink and helping himself to a quick gulp. "I'll go chat her up and act like you, and then you come over and be me. Then we'll see who she wants to go home with."
"You're on," Chris agreed, scooting his chair to one side get a better view of the action as Raven made his way to the bar.
Five minutes later, Chris was struggling to contain his laughter as he watched the unfortunate brunette try to subtly inch her barstool away from Raven's. He got to his feet and began squeezing through the crowd, slowly working towards the bar.
"...serious, I'm a really nice guy," he heard Raven insist loudly over the noise of the crowd. "I fucking save puppies and walk old ladies across the street and shit!"
Finally approaching his target, Chris put a hand on Raven's shoulder, leaned in, and hissed in his ear, "What the fuck are you doing?"
Not bothering to lower his voice, Raven answered, "I'm trying to show her what a great guy I am! You know all about it, don't you? I'm Chris, the sweet one with the great smile and the touchable hair. And I'm so pretty. Look at me. So pretty."
Chris narrowed his eyes as Raven finished his mocking and threw him a smirk. "That isn't how I talk at all."
Raven just grinned wider. "Of course you don't, Raven, because you're the 'bad boy,' right?" Turning to the girl, he continued, "Honey, this is my friend Raven. He's a complete and total douche."
"Nice to meet you," the woman murmured, eyes darting to the door.
"You, too," Chris replied automatically before catching himself. "I mean, shut up, woman! Nobody was talking to you. I'm only interested in what I have to say, because I'm Raven and I'm a super-genius and I drown kittens in my spare time."
"Hey, don't talk to the nice lady like that!" Raven interjected. Turning to the woman, he told her, "Watch. I'm going to defend your honor." Looking back at Chris, he continued, "You know what, you big, fat jerk? Women are not your playthings! They deserve respect and kindness. Even the whores and the lesbians like her." Turning back to the woman, he added, "You're welcome, by the way."
Before the woman could reply, Chris jumped in. "Oh, bite me, Chris. You're just jealous because I've got the cool leather jacket thing going and I only use one name like I'm fucking Madonna or something and I've got skanks crawling all over me even though I dress like a damn hobo and refuse to bath regularly."
"Hey! I bathe!" Raven protested.
"You're surrounded by an impenetrable layer of filth."
"I took a shower this morning."
"You need another one. And I don't talk like an ego-centric goody-two-shoes."
Raven rolled his eyes. "Whatever. She was totally eating it up. Weren't you...hey, where the fuck did she go?"
Chris scanned the immediate area, but the woman had vanished. "I don't know. I was kind of caught up in the yelling."
"Yeah, you were." Raven threw back his head and laughed before tossing some money on the bar and standing. "This club blows, and my night's not going to get any better than this. Come up to my room for a nightcap and we'll work on your 'bad boy' impression."
"And then we can work on you not being a complete asshole, too," Chris suggested helpfully, grabbing his jacket on his way out of the bar.
"I'm telling you, she totally wanted me. Five more minutes and she was going to--"
"Slap you in the face?" Chris guessed as he closed the hotel room door behind him. "That was the worst nice guy impression I've ever seen."
"It was an awesome impression. I sounded just like you."
Chris settled into an armchair as Raven began rummaging through the minibar. "When have you ever heard me introduce myself as 'Hi, I'm Chris, with the touchable hair?' "
"Well, maybe you should start. Then you wouldn't have to play with it all the time to make sure people notice."
"I don't do that!" Chris objected. He started to flick a loose strand of hair over his shoulder, then caught himself and glared at Raven. "Well, at least I don't look like somebody beat me over the head with a bottle of peroxide."
Raven smirked but declined to retort. "Peace offering," he offered, handing Chris a bottle. "It's fruity. You'll like it."
Chris frowned at it suspiciously, then took a tiny sip. "That's really good," he admitted, eyes widening in surprise. "Why weren't we drinking these all night?"
Raven shrugged as he sat on the edge of his bed, taking a drink from his own bottle. "Because I would have to chug approximately 72 of these things in half an hour to catch a buzz. And I don't drink daiquiris in public."
Chris rolled his eyes. "Right, because God forbid you actually drink something that tastes good. You're such a poser."
"I'm not a poser. I'm just...image-conscious. It's part of the 'bad boy' vibe."
"See, that's what I hate about this game. I wish I could just be myself around girls."
Raven tilted his head to the side, watching Chris carefully. "Why can't you?"
"I guess I can, I just..." Chris took a bigger drink from his bottle and shifted to get more comfortable. "You have to watch what you say around them. They get upset pretty easily."
"Tell me about it. I complimented the girl at the bar on her tits, and she got all pissy. It was a fucking compliment. I thought you were all about those."
Chris giggled. "There's a fine line between complimenting a pretty girl and verbally assaulting one."
"Whatever. They weren't that great anyway. You know what's really fun? Telling a chick she's stuck-up, and watching her fall all over herself trying to prove you wrong."
"You're a sick man," Chris informed him, kicking off his shoes and tucking his feet under him.
"Well, that's a given." Raven leaned back on his elbows, staring at the ceiling as he continued. "You know, I think that's why girls and guys can't really be friends."
"Because you're sick?"
"No, because...because guys feel like they have to lie to girls. It's not like we're thinking about sex all the time--"
"OK, most of the time, but there are times we aren't, but we can't say that because then the girl starts thinking you're not attracted to her. So when you're not thinking about sex, you have to say you are, but when you are thinking about sex, you can't say it because then she complains about being objectified, and it's just fucking exhausting to have to deal with when you're trying to relax."
"Yeah." Chris tried to think of something to add, and came up blank. "Stupid women."
"Fuck 'em. Who needs 'em?"
"You tell me, man. You were the one bragging about your little three-way dance last week."
Raven's head lifted slowly, revealing a wide grin. "I swear to God, man, her friend looked just like Bobby Eaton. I'm not even joking. It was the most terrifying night of my life."
A few beats passed before Chris' roar of laughter. "Bobby Eaton?"
"I swear. I thought she was going to beat me up and steal my wallet or something. Scariest woman I ever fucked."
"But you still fucked her?"
Raven shrugged. "Sex is sex. I'm not turning it down."
"You're a sick, sick man," Chris repeated, laughing and settling deeper into his chair.
"...and that's how I figured out she was a nun." Raven concluded his story by finishing off his drink and pushing himself to his feet, steering directly for the minibar. "You need a refill?"
Chris blinked slowly, trying to count the empty bottles surrounding him as he sat in the floor, propped up against the side of the bed. Daiquiris had given way to pina colodas, and finally to fuzzy navels after Chris had managed to stop giggling about the name. "Too much sugar," he muttered, half to himself. "I won't be able to get to sleep until tomorrow afternoon."
"One more might keep you awake during Nitro, then," Raven decided, returning with two bottles. He pushed the box of half-demolished pizza to the side with his foot, making room to seat himself beside Chris.
Chris accepted the drink, flicking his hair back over his shoulder as he did so. "You have to write these stories down. This shit is hilarious."
"Can't. I would only incriminate myself in the eyes of the law."
Chris snickered, leaning his head back and letting his eyes slide closed. "OK, let's hear it," he announced, inhaling deeply to brace himself. "The most ricockulous, disgusting, embarrassing tale of debauchery you got. Lay it on me."
Raven smirked, then shrugged dismissively. "No way, kid. I'd break your mind."
"I'm not a kid!" Chris insisted indignantly. "Come on, guys can be honest with each other, right? I can handle whatever nasty-ass shit you talked some poor girl into doing."
"Hmm...I have done a lot of nasty-ass shit," Raven admitted. "None of it is really embarrassing, though."
Chris snorted in disbelief. "None of it? Are you joking? As much as you drink, you never picked up some skanky ho wearing beer goggles, or got caught by your mom in high school or...or got tricked by some really hot transvestite or anything?"
Raven laughed, shaking his head. "Just lucky that way, I guess. Lucky enough to know the genders of all the people I've fucked before the actual act, at least."
Chris frowned, picking at the label on his glass. Something about that response sounded wrong. He took another drink, but it didn't help. "Singular," he finally said.
"Gender. Singular. That's what you meant, right? Not 'the genders,' plural, of the people you fucked."
Raven met his eyes steadily, his mouth barely registering a smile. "Guys can be honest with each other, right, Chris?" He paused, but Chris didn't respond. "Sex," he stated emphatically, "is sex."
"Oh." And once again, Chris was at a loss for words. Finally, he shrugged. "I totally already knew that."
Raven's half-smile spread across his face. "Did you? How's that?"
"I don't know. You're, you know, you. With all the fingernail polish and the attitude and the tongue-ring and stuff."
"The tongue-ring?" Raven pressed his tongue against the top of his mouth, enjoying the feeling of the smooth metal. "What about it?"
Chris rolled his eyes. "You know darn well what that makes guys think about."
Hazel eyes flashed briefly, but Raven's face remained expressionless. "Enlighten me."
"Um. You know." Chris took another drink, but it wasn't helping the buzzing in his head, so he set the bottle on the floor. "What it'd, uh, feel like."
"It feels like a steel fucking stud, Chris." Chris flushed, pushing his drink farther away. "No, I mean when you're...if you would want to...I mean, I don't really know what you're into doing, and I don't mean to make presumptions about your lifestyle, but--" Raven's laughter finally gave Chris an excuse to stop stuttering. "What?"
Chris' annoyance did nothing to dampen Raven's enjoyment. "You're pretty fucking cute when you're embarrassed. We're just guys hanging out, remember? Ask what you want to ask."
"I don't..." Chris swallowed and tried again. "You...oh, fuck it." Screwing his eyes shut, he leaned over, pressing his lips hard against Raven's.
Raven waited patiently for Chris to relax, gently brushing back the long blond hair partially falling into his face. As Chris started to pull back, Raven opened his mouth to speak. Chris pressed forward suddenly, pinning Raven's back against the side of the bed as he tentatively slid the tip of his tongue into Raven's mouth.
Raven exhaled slowly, letting Chris retain control of the kiss. He felt the blonde shudder as his tongue encountered the relative coolness of the metal stud, then brush back over it with slow, exploratory swipes. He was moving to pull Chris into a more comfortable position on his lap when Chris lifted his head away.
"Oh," Chris breathed, smoothing back his tousled hair and twisting to sit next to Raven again. "So that's that."
"Mmm," Raven agreed noncommittally, focusing on slowing down his heart rate. A few seconds passed in silence before he turned to look at Chris. "What the fuck was that about?"
Chris bit his lower lip indecisively. "Are you mad about it?" "No. Just curious."
A small smile. "Me, too, I guess. Just curious."
Raven nodded. "I see. And you got your answer out of that?"
"Kind of." Chris shrugged, tilting his head to one side. "Honestly, I think I just got a lot more questions."
Raven fell backwards, hitting the bed with a soft "oomph," but Chris was back on top of him before he could complain. A warm hand brushed against his stomach before grabbing the hem of his shirt and tugging upwards impatiently. It didn't come off, and Raven smiled to himself at Chris' petulant whine.
"Off. Now," Chris demanded, sitting up across Raven's upper thighs.
"Gee, that's not a very 'nice guy' way to ask, Chris. What happened to all those compliments?"
Chris sighed, then deadpanned, "You're very pretty. Can we both be naked now, please?"
"Well, when you put it that way..." Raven took his time peeling his shirt off, laughing as Chris managed to nearly strangle himself in the process of tearing off his own. Chris shut him up with another kiss, leaning forward to get enough leverage to shove his pants off. Raven's hands instantly found his ass, pulling him closer as the kiss continued. Chris felt the blood rushing to his dick, trapped between their bodies and already leaking precum. He shifted down slightly, and the soft denim of Raven's jeans against his erection sent heat racing up his spine.
Chris moaned softly and Raven pressed against him harder, increasing the friction. Fighting for control, Chris pushed him back against the bed, sliding down between his legs. Raven's eyes snapped open in annoyance, but closed again as he saw Chris reach for his zipper.
Chris unzipped the jeans, grinning when he realized Raven wasn't wearing underwear. He touched Raven's cock lightly, stroking once before relinquishing it and moving to the side to tug off Raven's boots and pull the jeans all the way off. Raven took advantage of the space between them, sitting up suddenly and grabbing Chris around the waist, pulling him under him as he rolled over.
Raven licked Chris' bottom lip lightly, just barely tasting the peach from the fuzzy navels before sitting back to enjoy the view. He inhaled deeply as Chris smiled up at him, wild blond hair and tanned skin contrasting sharply with the stark white of the bedsheet.
"You're gorgeous," Raven answered automatically, surprising himself as much as Chris.
Chris blinked once before smiling broadly. "That sounded suspiciously like a compliment. See? I'm wearing off already."
"Don't get used to it, jackass."
Chris didn't bother responding, leaning up to press his lips against Raven's instead. As the kiss deepened, Chris wrapped one arm around Raven's waist, pulling him into his lap. Raven moaned and rocked his hips forward slowly, grinding against Chris' hardened cock. Chris gasped, gripping Raven's hips to help guide him into the perfect rhythm.
Pitching forward suddenly, Raven yanked the drawer of one of the bedside tables open.
"What are you--" Chris broke off as Raven stopped fumbling, pressing a small tube and a foil wrapper into his hand. He had just managed the rip the wrapper with his teeth when Raven grabbed his wrist and stopped moving, gently shaking with the strain of remaining still.
Dark hazel eyes stared down into wide blue ones as Raven scanned Chris' face for clues. "Are you sure about this?"
"Aren't you?" Chris asking incredulously.
"I'm not exactly objecting. This just isn't what I had in mind for a guys night in."
"Well..." Chris shifted his weight and bit back a shout as his sensitized groin rubbed against Raven's skin. "We can put on the football game if you need to butch this up a little."
Raven attempted to snort in derision, an effect slightly marred by the lust banked in his stare. "I think I'll live without. Do you have any idea what you're doing?"
Chris shrugged, reaching around Raven to slip the condom on himself, "I've kind of done this with girls before. It can't be that different."
"Great, so I can expect spooning and breakfast in bed afterwards?"
Chris laughed, breathless and slightly hysterical as Raven grabbed the lube back from him, snapping the lid open and reaching behind him to quickly coat Chris' erection. "You know, girls aren't normally this sarcastic."
Raven grunted in acknowledgement, his focus clearly on lining himself up with Chris' body as he raised himself onto his knees. "I'm not sure you noticed, but I'm not a girl."
"Yeah, I kind of noticed that." Further conversation was lost as Chris threw his head back with a hiss, feeling the warmth of Raven's body sinking onto his throbbing dick. The burn was slow and smooth, pausing a few inches from full penetration. Chris forced his eyes open to see Raven biting his lower lip hard, his whole body tense. "Raven...are you--" With a deep exhalation, Raven forced himself down the rest of the way, seating himself fully in Chris' lap with a muffled half-cry. "Fuck!" Chris shouted. His mouth fell open, but it took a few deep breaths before he managed to ask, "Are you OK?"
"Yeah." Raven responded, his voice husky. "Give me a second. Been a while for this kind of thing." "Do you want to stop?" Chris asked worriedly, his concern overriding his lust.
"Do you want to get punched in the face?" Raven demanded, raising himself up a short distance and dropping back down hard enough to leave them both fighting for air.
"I'll take that as a no."
Chris woke up the next morning beside a mound of blankets. He reached for one automatically, but the pile shifted away, pulling the comforter from his grasp. Grinning, he lay back down, watching the mound rise and fall with Raven's deep breaths.
"What?" Raven asked from somewhere inside the heap.
"I'm trying to decide which one of us is supposed to go get breakfast."
Raven pulled the blankets tighter. "You. Definitely."
Chris laughed. "What's wrong, Raven? Having a little trouble walking?"
A comfortable silence stretched a few minutes before Chris spoke again, more gently this time. "Hey. I didn't really hurt you, did I?"
"I'm good," Raven instantly assured him.
"Awesome. Because otherwise I would've felt really bad gloating."
A pair of eyes appeared as Raven pulled the blankets halfway down his face. "Gloating about what?" he asked suspiciously.
Chris flashed him his biggest grin. "Being tied! We're two and two now, baby!"
"...I'm not a fucking rat!" Raven yelled, flinging the covers away. "You can't count me!"
"Why not?" "Because it was a competition about who could bang the most women, you idiot!"
"Who made that rule?"
"It was always a rule. And even if it wasn't, I was there last night, too. So at best, at best, we are three and two now. And I'm still winning."
Chris shook his head in mock sympathy. "Aw, are you getting nervous now? Don't worry about it, you've got all week to get your lead back."
"You don't think I can do it?" Raven glared at him. "I'll go out every week this night if that's the way you want to play it."
Stretching his arms above his head, Chris smiled and lay back against the sheets. "Better idea. How about you and I stay in and see if we can set some new records?"
"I could live with that," Raven admitted after a few seconds. "But I'm still one up."
"Sure you are," Chris grinned as Raven stomped off into the bathroom.